Is It Normal For My Girlfriend To Hit Me? The short answer would be No. In any relationship whether you are male or female and whatever your relationship getting hit is not ok and would be referred to as abuse.
It can get a little more confusing if the person you’re in a relationship with hits you and then apologises or tries to make up for it in some way afterwards. This can make it harder to work out if this is just a one-off incident or if it’s something that is likely to happen again.
If your partner hits you once and then feels really bad about it and swears it will never happen again then it’s possible that this was a one-off mistake. If your partner often hits you or threatens to hit you then this is definitely not normal behaviour.
It’s not always easy to spot the signs that your partner might be abusive but there are some things to look out for.
Potential Signs Of An Abusive Partner
If your partner is always putting you down, making you feel bad about yourself or making you feel like you can’t do anything right then this could be emotional abuse.
If your partner is always checking up on you, wanting to know where you are and who you’re with all the time then this could be controlling behaviour.
If your partner has ever threatened to hurt you or someone you care about, if they’ve ever threatened to harm themselves if you leave them or if they’ve ever made you feel scared then this is definitely not normal behaviour and you should speak to someone about it.
If you’re not sure whether your partner’s behaviour is ok or not, the best thing to do is ask yourself a few questions.
When does your girlfriend hit you and how regular is this hitting behaviour?
When your girlfriend hits you is important as it helps figure out her motive. She could be hitting you when the two of you are in a playful mood or during an argument.
If she hits you when the two of you are in a playful mood then its probably her way of showing affection and she doesn’t mean any harm.
If she hits you during an argument then it’s probably because she’s angry and losing control. This is not normal behaviour and you should start by communicating it to her.
Is she hitting you hard enough to hurt you or is it just a light tap?
If she’s hitting you hard enough to hurt you then this is definitely not ok and you should speak to her about it.
If she is hitting you lightly, its still not ok if you are not ok with it or its making you feel a certain way.
It doesn’t necessarily mean she’s abusive. It could just be her way of trying to get your attention or she could be really mad and not know how to express herself.
In either case, you should communicate with her about it so that she knows.
Does she ever apologise or try to make up to you afterwards?
If your girlfriend apologises after hitting you or tries to make up to you afterwards then it means she understands that what she is doing isn’t right.
In this case you need to communicate to her why it not ok and figure out ways of discouraging her behaviour.
One effective way of discouraging her behaviour is by not accepting her apologies too quickly and making her work a little for your forgiveness.
This will show her that you’re not ok with what she did and that she needs to try harder to make up for it which in turn will discourage the behaviour.
What do you think she is trying to achieve when she hits you?
She could be hitting you to get a certain response from you and if she is getting the response then she will continue doing it.
For example, if she hits you and you respond by getting angry then she could be doing it to get a reaction out of you. In this case, you need to communicate to her that this behaviour is not ok and that you will not tolerate it.
How do you feel about it or how does it make you feel?
If you’re not ok with it then its not normal. There is no justification for violence in a relationship, no matter how small.
Most conflicts or misunderstanding in a relationship can usually be solved when partners know how to communicate and are able to do that in a loving and effective way.
Your goal when communicating should be to be understood. How you communicate is often even more important than the words you use.
Some things to keep in mind when communicating are:
– Avoid using words that could be interpreted as blame such as “you always” or “you never”. These words will only make your partner defensive and less likely to listen to what you’re saying.
– Use “I” statements such as “I feel” or “I need”. This will help your partner understand how you’re feeling and what you need from them.
– Try to be as specific as possible about what you’re trying to say. This will help your partner understand you better.
– Avoid getting too emotional or raising your voice. This will only make it harder for your partner to understand you and could lead to an argument.
– Listen to your partner and try to see things from their perspective.
Seeing the other person’s perspective does not mean agreeing with them. It just means you understand how they see a certain thing or issue.
In this case you can not be the one compromising as it may only lead to more physical abuse.
So once you understand their perspective you will be trying to figure out how to best discourage the behaviour.
Not Rewarding Bad Behaviour
One of the most effective ways to discourage bad behaviour is by not rewarding it.
For example, if your girlfriend hits you and you respond by complying to her demands then you have rewarded bad behaviour and you are likely to see it again in the future.
On the other hand, if you respond in a way that is firm and consistent then you are less likely to see the bad behaviour again.
Some things you can do to not reward bad behaviour are:
– Set boundaries and stick to them. If you have said that you will not tolerate violence then make sure you follow through with it.
– Be assertive in your communication. This means being clear about what you want and what you don’t want.
– Don’t make excuses for the other person’s behaviour. This will only enable them to continue behaving in a certain way.
As to the question is it ok if my girlfriend hits me? The Answer is No and in a relationship there needs to be mutual respect so if you have communicated to your partner that its not ok and they continue doing it then it may be time you consider breaking up with her.
You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel safe and respected. If that is not the case then its time to move on.
Don’t be the victim of physical abuse because its not ok or normal and you should not tolerate it.