Do I Have To Make Amends With Someone Who Abused Me?


Abuse can come in various forms verbal, physical or even sexual abuse and being a victim of abuse can leave you stuck in the past and even when the abuse ends victims are often left with so much questions answered.

Questions like:

  • Was It Your Fault?
  • Was There Something You Could Have Done To Stop Or Avoid The Abuse?

Long after the abuse has stopped victims still find themselves living in the past.

It is often much harder to move on and often we are left wondering if by confronting our abuser and explaining the hurt they put us through it would make the pain go away.

It is important to realize that in situations where you can approach your abuser, whether it is a parent, boyfriend/ girlfriend or anyone for that matter who abused you, and they are willing to listen and understand, this can led to you healing.

However you may not find yourself in a situation where the person who abused you is willing to listen or even acknowledge that what they did was wrong.

There is also the chance that if you were to confront them, you may not even get the answers you might be looking for or the closure you need.

They also might not be there for you to confront as they may have passed on or you may not even know their whereabouts.

In these situations you need to understand that you need to forgive them for your own healing.

You forgiving them has nothing to do with them as you are doing it for yourself.

Forgiving them will not take away what they did to you but it will help you move on and start living in the present.

How Do You Forgive Someone Who Isn’t Asking For Forgiveness Or You Can’t Reach Out To?

victim confronts abuser
Victim Of Abuse Image by kalhh from Pixabay

The first step to forgiving someone who has abused you is understanding that forgiveness is for you and not for them.

It is about healing yourself and letting go of the pain they caused you.

Get yourself some alone time and then imagine your abuser standing or sitting in front of you.

For this process to work you will have to try and make it as vivid as possible in your mind.

Start by telling them everything they did to you that made you feel pain, hurt and anger.

If you hate them, express it.

If you fear them tell them.

Remember you are doing this once and for all so be sure you have covered everything.

Once you have told them everything they need to hear, and in detail not leaving anything tell them you forgive them.

In this visualization exercise, all they are doing is sitting there and listening to you.

They are not asking for your forgiveness and you are not expecting it but you are letting them know the pain they caused you.

Make sure you say that you are doing it for yourself as have made the decision that they will not continue controlling your life.

If you do the visualization process and express your pain and feelings, you will notice that a burden will have been lifted off your shoulder and if you do the process well enough you will not even need to confront or make amends with your abuser.

Why Is It Important To Forgive?

Forgiving someone who has abused you is important as it helps to stop the cycle of abuse.

It also allows you to move on with your life and start living in the present.

Not forgiving them will only continue the cycle of pain and hurt.

It also allows you to have closure on the situation as you will no longer be living in the past.

Forgiving them does not mean that you are condoning their actions but it means that you are no longer a victim.

Hope this helps and please share your experiences in the comments area below.

Gerald Omondi
Gerald Omondi
As a writer, I have a passion for exploring a variety of topics. When I'm not putting pen to paper, I enjoy traveling and spending time with my family. As a husband and father, I understand the importance of balance and finding time for the things I love. Whether I'm delving into new subjects or spending quality time with my loved ones.


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